When Texts Go Wrong

As much as I despise the world of growing technology, it's a part of our society and I have to acclimate myself to it. Try as I may to avoid the crazy noises coming from my phone at all times of the day, it's nice to open the phone and find that someone out there wants to communicate with me. So, response is necessary. As long as it's not during dinner with a friend. Please stop that, people.

But texting (someone told me this wasn't a word the other day, but I don't see why not if "blogging" is part of our language now, too) while fun, can get confusing sometimes. First off, there are some texters (again, actual word?) who refuse to punctuate properly, leaving the reader wondering whether or not the text was meant as a statement or a question, an excited exclamation or a cry for help:

hey girl need a break

What?! What does she mean!? Is she asking me if I need a break? Maybe she wants to do Happy Hour? Does she need a break? Like from life? Response:

Calling you soon. No brash decisions until I hear from you.

Then there are your friends who, while they punctuate correctly, refuse to use common terms and make up their own jargon, causing a panic on your part.

Say girl, kickin it til you's ready for some pool time. Lemme know tha deal, yo. Peace!

Oh no. Does he want me to comply with this typing method? Maybe he thinks he's gangster. Should I placate him or stick to my guns? Response:

Say hey there, guy. Going to call some bros and let you know laterz. I guess. Bye.

Or how about text flirting? That's always chancy stuff. Cute guy I've been talking to:

We can do a two-man tube on the river. I'll paddle while you look good.

Response:

You may be doing all the paddling, but you're still number one in my book.

No response twelve hours later. What happened? Did I misinterpret something? Was I watching TV when I wrote back? Crap. He thinks I'm an idiot. He's on the river right now with some beautiful woman who knows how to write a good text and he's wondering what the hell I was talking about.

Then of course, you can't see a person's face or expressions when you're texting, so you don't know when the texter is mad or glad or happy or sad. Especially sans question marks. A question mark makes all the difference in a properly put-together text message.

Why would you do that to me. Who do you think you are, MC Hammer.

Crap, I don't know if my Halloween costume pissed off this girl or what. Maybe she adores MC Hammer more than I knew. Maybe she wanted to be MC Hammer and I stole her idea. Maybe she is kidding and loved my costume. Crap, crap, crap. Response:

Do you want to meet me at the bar later?