The Woes of a Sports Bar When You're Only a Semi Sports Fan

While football fans make up a hefty percentage of my income (thanks, guys) I have to say that I could not be more pleased about the dwindling of this year's National Football League hooplah. Working in a sports bar has caused me great anguish in that I am unconsciously and relentlessly taking in information via ESPN and Sportsnation or whatever about Brett Freaking Favre and Wade Stinking Phillips. It is constantly (and silently because I refuse to put on the audio) sinking in my brain, allowing me to interject into fantasy football conversations, conversations that I do not wish to be a part of! How did I know that Eric Mangini was fired this morning? And while I like to sit at a bar/stadium and watch a football game like anyone else, I do not like to have my life steered by any one thing. Some of these folks live and breathe this shit.

Two of my Seattleite regs (Seahawks fans, congratulations by the way, that was weird) are two of my favorites because not only do they mix things up for me and keep me on my bartending toes by ordering the most random selection of drinks one can conjure in three hours, Ellie has what I think can only be diagnosed as National Football League Tourette Syndrome.* This is the sweetest woman I have ever met in my life and given one bad call/play, the woman turns into Cruella de Ville.

*NFLTS is a very dangerous and mostly contagious problem. Avoid loud/angry bar patrons when witnessing this display.

"TODAY ON: YOU'RE GONNA SEE IT A THOUSAND MORE TIMES TODAY!":

Will Favre retire? Should have a couple years back.

How many times can you play one airing of Sports Center in one day? Eleventybillion.

Is it okay to dump Gatorade on the owner? Only if he's an asshole.

Here's a report for you, Michelle Beadle: "Extreme Excess of Gatorade Leftover After Win Leaves Trainers Wondering: Are Our Players Getting Enough Hydration Out There?"