Velveeta munchies. Problem solver.

I like to drink beer, eat peanuts, and watch Jeopardy. Beer and marijuana, for me, do not mix. But some people I know, no, MOST people I know, smoke. And while sometimes I feel like a snobby cheerleader in grade school who looks down her nose at you when you offer me a doob, my friends dig that I don't smoke and I dig that they smoke. That being said, LEGALIZE THAT SHIT. 

Are we not sitting on a stinking gold mine!? Are politicians that retarded that they can't see past the cloud of smoke we could be sitting in, and also the pile of money they/we/everyone/Idon'tknow could be making? Christ in a Cartoon, it's not a Floridian ballot box, it's common sense and shit. I don't know much about much, but tax the shit out of that and call it a day. Huge economical boost. No more smuggling, bring it in! We'll tax you! No more "drug" raids. You know how many tax dollars it costs to break out the SWAT team and the battering ram and break down my neighbor's door because he was peddling some pot? I have no idea, either! But it seems real silly. 

Did you know you can sit in a room and smoke like, 800 doobies and not die? You certainly can't say that for cigarettes or alcohol. I did go through a smoking stint in college, naturally, and the worst thing that happened to me is while I was blazed out of my gourd I crawled to the kitchen and made two hotdogs with Velveeta cheese on them, consumed them, and then rolled on the floor in remorse laughing at Mitch Hedberg. (There was also that time I smoked with complete strangers out of an apple and spoke to a wall for fifteen minutes, but I'm fairly certain that was laced with acid, either that or I ate some suspicious Chinese leftovers.) 

But no matter! I did not die. And I did not try to harm anyone or myself. And most people I know who smoke just sit on their couch and giggle at Frasier re-runs and then nap and join the world again. No harm, no foul. And don't try to argue that legalizing marijuana will promote laziness because good gravy, I'm pretty sure the television does that on its own... add a six pack and some depression and it's goodnight, Charlie. 

There are some really rad facts about hemp. (From what I think I know, hemp is legal in the United States and I'm not sure why it's not grown more widely, probably because it resembles cannabis so much and has low levels of THC). Hemp seed oil can be used as an alternative to petrol diesel. Holy crap why are we not using this? Hemp can be used as an alternative to trees to make paper. And grows a hell of a lot faster than trees.It can be used as thread to make clothes, rope, other shit, fuck. Those little cutesy cotton commercials of Kate Bosworth in her closet with all her dainty little cotton-made items? I want a commercial with Scott Ian in his closet, laying out his hemp clothes for the night with Black Sabbath playing lightly in the background. I'm not saying that Scott Ian smokes pot, or would even like to wear anything made of hemp, it was really just a suggestion. 

What I think is that no one wants The Normals to find out about this kind of stuff. Giant pharmaceutical companies don't want people to be aware of the medicinal magic that is marijuana. That shit will stop your stomach ache, make your headache go away, and make a bitch eat. Budweiser would pitch a fit if Joe Schmo could hit a bong once and go to sleep instead of drain a mini-keg. People have their own problems, you know. 

How about oil companies? The lovely people at Halliburton? Does anyone know what I am talking about? I sure as hell don't. 

And Rick Perry (bang toss, hair check) said that Texas is nowhere near legalizing pot (I heard this on the radio the other day, no page number, MLA style). Rick Perry, and his stupid, stupid hair. Why doesn't he just own up and wear a T-Birds jacket and carry a comb in his pocket.